What just happened?

I'm not sure just what it was, but I think it was something important....

Zachary and I had a nice morning today- aside from the pickiness he's started with breakfast choices- but thats another story! Today we went back to Grandma L's motel to swim at the pool. We played with the beach ball and noodle, splashed lots, and generally had fun. When we got out I thought for sure he'd be hungry and tired so I packed him a little lunch which he devoured poolside. Once in the jeep I thought he'd konk out driving home- 17 miles, but no. I couldn't belive it- it was right at his naptime and he had been yawning all morning. When we got home, I tried a nice warm bottle of milk and we rocked and rocked- but nothing. Then we tried sleeping on the floor- nada. Then my bed- still no sleep. Back to the rocking chair-to no avail.

In frustration, I tried laying him down in his crib and lightly and gently caressed his cheek repeating over and over "nice" with each stroke. His eyes were wide open- as big as saucers looking at me as if he had never had this gentle touch before. (I don't doubt it because although the baby home was nice and caregivers attentive as much as they could be- they were not tender or gentle. I saw with my own eyes while we were there how rough they were.) Before long, Zachary reached out his hands stiff and spread out. He moved his hands so that I would do the same "nice" carressing the palms of his hands. And then his little fingers wrapped around mine and we held hands. He smiled the sweetest smile, and made a noise just like a content little newborn in wonder and bliss. It was almost like he just couldn't believe how nice it really was, but loving it and soaking up every second. His breathing slowed way down and he became very relaxed. He rolled over onto his belly and I continued touching his cheek with the same gentleness.

If the phone had not rung I think he would have fallen asleep. I ignored the phone-trying to make the sweetness last. Such moments don't come every day- and when they do, nothing can be more important than showing your son your love and tenderness. Unfortunately the spell was broken. Zachary loves his play telephone and whenever ours or his rings, he's all about answering it quickly.

I did manage to get him to sleep a few minutes later by putting him into the Ergo carrier and pacing the hallway outside his bedroom. And while we walked the floor, I wondered- What just happened? Was that the first time he's ever felt such tender loving care in his whole life? Was that the first time I have ever been that gentle with him? I dare say- it might have been- and it makes me want to weep.

I don't much think about Zachary's life before Jason and I came into it, but this tender moment made it all too clear in how much I have taken for granted about this child. He laughs, he plays, walks, cries, eats and does everything else- rough and hard. He challeneges me and Jason and he challenges himself daily! Oh, he is definately a typical boy- rambunctious and physical, pushing furniture and toys around. And yet this tough, happy go lucky, mischevious little guy has a softer side that has never been nurtured or touched with love and caring. Thank goodness he now has a forever mommy- and that is supposed to be my speciality!