20 Months Old

Our little boy is officially 20 months old today! Since Gotcha Day (June 24th) he's gained 4 pounds, and grown 2 inches. He's a beefy kid- with great chubby cheeks, and perfect little ear lobes just right for nibbles and kisses. He's cut in 3.5 molars and one bottom front tooth. I suspect the eye teeth won't be too far along now. He knows the signs for milk, help me, water, all done, more, dog, book, and it hurts. He tries to say tractor, book, dog, help me, up, open, down, Jiggs, work, water, momma and dada. Im sure there are others, but Im not always sure- it helps if he does the sign language and then tries to say the word itself- even if its only the first consonant. I'm pretty sure he is still thinking in Russian because when I say "Good" in Russian- and make it a question- especially regarding a new food- he always nods his head very deliberately and I can see a light of recognition flicker in his eyes.

Overall, Zachary is doing fairly well. We've all noticed he seemed to relax a little more in just the last 2-3 weeks. He still gets aggressive and can hit -but it happens most when he's tired and needs help regulating. Since Sunday he's started snuggling on our laps or in our arms to fall asleep after his bottle is done. This is something he NEVER EVER did until this week. Prior to this he would restlessly drink a bottle in the rocking chair and immediately want on the floor after it was finished. While on the floor he would thrash around and throw himself on his big stuffed animals trying to get comfortable. Now he still seems restless trying to get comfortable, but he's not trying to get on the floor so much and actually wants to be held. Jason and I can't tell you how much this makes both of us just melt inside! We've LONGED for this part of the bedtime ritual since day 1.

Attachment-wise, I think he's making progress. Sometimes I trick myself into believing he's not having any problems, but then something usually happens to bring me back into reality. I am really looking forward to being home with him so that we can get some more consistancy with his progress in attachement. For the amount of time I haven't been able to be with him, I am sometimes surprized that he hasn't outright rejected me... at least not yet (crossing fingers!) Take for example this past week. I had night meetings Tuesday and Wednesday. I saw him 1/2 hour total on Tuesday, 1/2 hour Wednesday morning, and 1/2 hour Wednesday night. Thats 1 and 1/2 hours total in a 48 hour period. I've had several weeks like that and it made me sick with guilt. I know he's being well taken care of, but its not by me, something I have LONGED to do for 5 years or more.

Pastors don't have jobs like normal people. Its not really a 9-5 job- unless its a slow day. Most of the people you work with/for aren't available until after 5 so that makes having a family, especially one where we are really trying hard to bond/attach extreemely difficult. I don't regret my decision to resign- particularly for that reason. Whether he is progressing well or not- I need to be home with him for my sake and his.

I can't believe he's already 20 months old! It sure has gone by fast!!! *Sigh*